One day at a Time [part3]

When Things Are Beyond Your Control

Here’s a recipe for permanent misery:
a) Decide how you think the world SHOULD be.
b) Make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.

Then, when the world doesn’t obey your rules, get angry!
That’s what miserable people do.

Let’s say you expect that:
Friends SHOULD return favours.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your husband SHOULD remember your birthday.

These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won’t happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed.

There’s a better strategy. Don’t have so many demands.
Instead, have preferences!

For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself:”I WOULD PREFER “A”, BUT IF “B” HAPPENS, IT’S OK TOO!”

This is really a game that you play in your head.
But if you make the game a habit, you have more peace in mind…

You prefer that people are polite…
But when they are rude, it doesn’t ruin your day.
You prefer sunshine… but rain is ok!
In other word, you practice flexibility.

To become a happier, we need to either a) change the world, or b) change our thinking. It is easier to change our thinking!


***It’s not what happens to you that determines your happiness.
It’s how you think about what happens to you.



Rage

These days getting angry is all the rage. We’ve got road rage, restaurant rage, supermarket rage, phone rage, hospital rage… it’s outrageous! Here’s what’s interesting about rage…

It’s usually not what happens to us that makes us angry.
It’s when we expect one thing to happen but something else happens…

EXAMPLE:You are driving on a highway and you decide to change lanes.
You EXPECT the guy in the next lane to make room for you – but he doesn’t!
You EXPECT him to be considerate – but he isn’t. So you get mad.

The problem here is not the other driver – is your expectation that he should be nice! Expectation sets us up for disappointment and anger.

Most people won’t think like you and your plans will often go wrong. So the fewer expectations you have about the world – and even the weather – the better life gets!

Three more tips for keeping your cool:

HUMILITY HELPS! Angry people tend to believe that a) they are more important than everyone else, and b) that they are always right. When they don’t get what they want, they get angry! Relax a little. Allow for others to sometimes get what they want.
DECIDE WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT in your life, say, on a scale from one to ten. You might rank having enough food to eat at 9 out of 10. You might rank having a job 7 out of 10, idiot drivers at 2 out of 10, and slow elevators at zero. When you have things in perspective, you don’t get upset over details.
ACCEPT WHAT IS. Angry people love to argue with reality! They say little things, “It should be raining!” or “Thieves shouldn’t STEAL!” It is a waste of energy. When you argue with reality, reality wins!


***There are six and a half billion other people on planet earth. For them to sometimes get what they want, we sometimes need to go without. That’s no reason to shout and beat them up!

One day at a Time [part2]

Character

Did you ever look in the mirror and say,
"I wish I had a different face... body... nose?"

Did you ever look at your and say,
"How come other people are so talented and brilliant?
How can I feel good about me?"

Most of us have these thoughts!

But here’s the crunch…

Talent and beauty are very useful – but there are plenty of talented and beautiful people around who we don’t necessarily admire.
And some of them are a pain in the neck!

Most of history’s most admired people – like Abramah Lincoln, Mother Theresa and Mahatma Ghandi – were neither beautiful nor especially gifted.

The qualities most of us value above all others are HONESTY, COURAGE, PERSISTENCE, GENEROSITY and HUMILITY.

Take a look at this list and you’ll find something interesting.
You aren’t BORN with these qualities.
You DEVELOP them.
Anyone can have them.
If you really want, you can have them!

If you want self-respect, and respect from others, you don’t have to be genius or a super-model.

You simply work at developing your own honesty, determination, generosity, humility and courage.

It is called “character”.


***How do you feel about you is in your hands.



“Why?”

Effective people ask “WHAT?” questions…
“WHAT am I going to do about it?”
“WHAT do I mean from this?”

When the situation is really desperate, they say,
“What can I do, just in the next 24 hours, to make things better?”


***The happiest people don’t bother about whether life is fair. They just make the most of what they have.
And is life “fair”? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter WHY.



Mental Fitness

You’ll notice something about most happy people…
They have over serious set-backs.

Happy people sometimes go broke, get sick, get sacked – or get dumped.
Like everyone, happy people have their problems.
But they have the mental strength to focus on solutions.
They have developed “mental fitness”.

Mental fitness is like physical fitness.

You’ll strengthen your MUSCLES with exercise.
You run uphill.
Gradually you get stronger.

It is the same with your thinking.
You strengthen your MIND by facing problems.

STRUGGLE builds STRENGTH.

You don’t get strong by hiding under the bed.
You meet life head on.
You take some risks.
You fail and bounce back.

Dad by day you gain confidence.
Gradually you build a positive attitude.

When life gets rough, remind yourself:”This is making me mentally fir. I must be getting happier!”


***It is not necessary an easy life that makes you happy. Usually it’s the opposite!



Laughter

Did you ever bump your head or break a wrist while you were clowning around with your friends? What did you notice?

While you are LAUGHING, it is hard to feel PAIN!

All kinds of wonderful things happen when you laugh:

Your lung capacity expands, improving respiration and oxygen consumption.
Your immune system is activated – so you can better fight infection. Your body releases more of the protective T Cells that fight virus and cancer cells.
Endorphins – your body’s natural painkillers -are released into your brain, deceasing stress.

Laughter not only reduces physical pain. It reduces mental pain!

When we laugh, we naturally feel more hopeful and optimistic.
When we laugh, we say to ourselves – and to the world – “I REFUSE TO SUFFER!”

Laughter helps us survive grief and disappointment.

There’s a funny side to almost every situation/ we just have to look for it.

What else helps? When we stop trying to be perfect!

When we stop trying to be perfect, we can laugh at ourselves – so we laugh much more often.


***Life is not that serious. We should take humor more seriously!

One day at a Time

When Life Gets Tough

How do you survive when life gets tough?
How do you hang on when you are grieving, lonely or broke?

You can only tackle your problems as you would climb a mountain.

If you go rock climbing – and you get stuck on a ledge – you suddenly focus on the present moment!

You forget about the future. All your effort goes into your step. Then your next step. Inch by inch.

Eventually you claw your way out.

The same strategy works for everyday life.

When things seem desperate, you fix your focus on the present moment.

You tackle one problem at a time. You take a step. You get a little confidence… and take another step, and another.

Eventually you find that the worst is over.

If you were to worry about
a) everything you need to do in the next month, or
b) everything that could go wrong in the next year,
you could go nuts!

But you can handle one day at a time.

And whenever 24 hours is too tough, bite off five minutes at a time.



***All you can do is give your best effort until bedtime. Let tomorrow take care of itself.



Happiness Myths

In the 1990s researcher Ronald Inglehard published the results of a massive “happiness survey” involving 170,000 people from 16 countries.

The participants were asked questions like, “How happy are you?” and “Are you satisfied with your life?”

Inglehard was interested to see whether our age affects our happiness. So he analyzed the data by age group, 15 to 24 years old, 25 to 34 years old, 35 to 44 years old and so on.

So who do you think were the most miserable? The teens? The mid-lifers? And who do you think were the happiest?




Here are the results –

15-24 years 81% satisfied with life
25-34 years 80% “
35-44 years 80% “
45-54 years 79% “
55-64 years 79% ‘
65 years and above 81% “

The results for each age group are almost identical!

In different research, Arizona State University psychologists William Stock and Morris Okun reached exactly the same conclusion. They assessed the results of over 100 psychological studies and boiled then down to this – that age has no more a 1% impact on happiness!

Despite all the myths, and despite all the talk of “troubled teens” and “mid-life crises”, age has almost no bearing on your happiness!



***It’s not about your age, it’s all about your attitude.



Kick the Worry Habit

Most of us worry.
We worry about our jobs, our children… and what the neighbours think!

Some people will even tell you, “You SHOULD worry!”

But worrying is WORSE THAN USELESS!
Firstly, it attracts misfortune.
Secondly, it is bad for you health!

So what should you do about worrying? Postpone it!
Take action FIRST and postpone worry indefinitely.
That’s what effective people do.

Whenever you want to worry, ask yourself,
“What is the problem right this second?”

Guess what you’ll find… unless you are in a life-threatening situation, you don’t have a problem!

Of course, disasters do happen. Illness happens. Financial crises happen. That’s no reason to live life a frightened rabbit.

When crises come, you can deal with them MOMENT BY MOMENT. It’s only when your mind drifts into the future that it crushes you. And your mind will want to drag into the future!

Stay in the present! Do whatever you can do today – and leave worry out of it.

Look at your life. Has there ever been a situation that you didn’t survive? There hasn’t!

You can handle the present. It’s just the future that gives you trouble.



*** When it comes to worry, procrastinate!

When someone asks, “Aren’t you worried about that?” tell them, “I’ve been meaning to worry about it – but I haven’t got around to it!”

My philosophy

My Philosophy

Isn’t it strange? Everyone wants happiness, but where do we study it?
We are born. We go to school.

We study mathematics. We learn about haemoglobin and the Himalayas. But we never study happiness.

I used to ask myself, “Why are some people always happy?”

I wondered, “Are happy people smarter than the rest of us? Or are happy people just too silly to realize that they should be miserable?” More about that later…

When I was a kid, I used to dream about the future.

When I was finally got to the future, I was often disappointed.

I discovered that LIFE IS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS!

I wanted to know:
“How come other people live fascinating lives?”
“How come other people are happier than me??”

I read books. I attended lectures and seminars.

I tried walking on fire.

I read about the great philosophers. I figured that they could teach me about happiness…

I came across a group of ancient Greek philosophers called the Skeptics. They said that “You can only have real peace of mind if you don’t believe anything”.
But how can you believe that?

I read about Socrates – and the fellow called Gorgias. Gorgias said:
a) nothing really exits, therefore
b) if something did exist, you wouldn’t know it, therefore
c) you don’t exist!
But how can you use that information?

Imagine… you get pulled over a traffic cop, who says, “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t book you for speeding.”
And you tell him, “You don’t exist!”

I noticed two things about philosophers:
a) most of them weren’t very happy and
b) lots of them were mathematicians!



“Everyday Philosophy”

Here’s what I have come to believe.

There are two kinds of philosophy – the academic kind, and the everyday, personal kind.

It is your everyday, personal philosophy that really counts.

Your everyday philosophy is what you believe about everyday stuff about work, money, worry, failure, friendship, family, the future.

Everyday philosophy is what we use to explain life’s ups and downs: it is the foundation on which we build our life.

It’s like when people say…
“Everything happens for a reason”, or
“Disasters are opportunities”, or
“All men are bastards!”
It’s personal!

Out personal philosophy is the lens through which we view every problem and every opportunity.

Often, it is the reason that we give ourselves to persist – or to quit.

People who live happily are not necessarily the smartest or the riches or the most talented. But they have a personal philosophy that serves them well.

Happy people seem to share certain philosophies on life.